“Defend the children”: The main place of danger is the family

This Saturday, April 9, Edouard Durand blew a gentle and lively wind at La Mandragore bookstore in Chalon with Vincent David moderating the exchange. There’s a lot of talk about ‘kids’, but are we treating them well?

“The first place of danger is the family,” writes and says Edouard Durand. How can such a reality be heard when all parents want to be “good parents”? The psychological abuse, the intrusion, the blackmail, the violence of the scolding, the line crossed when you physically frighten a child, the freak out that makes the ground give way under your son or daughter’s feet “whom we adore “? Well it’s for others! Are we sure about that? Being “forced” to shout to be obedient is it showing authority? No, it’s a balance of power. Authority is different. go to work !

The CIIVITY

Edouard Durand was a juvenile judge for seventeen years and, together with Nathalie Mathieu, a social worker, chaired the independent commission on incest and sexual violence against children, the CIIVISE. About 40 people (lacking a greater capacity to absorb) lived a privileged moment because Edouard Durand managed to achieve a mixture of a generosity of himself and a word now embodied, therefore strong, that makes him a little freer than most of us, and that feels great.

Challenging our viewing habits

It feels insanely good because when we’re all thinking rationally, we’re more or less reflecting, well, “thinking” is something else. Meeting someone who makes the effort, with the courage to give themselves freedom, is as rare as it is necessary for our existence. During the autograph session, a woman who is also very committed to child protection came to greet Edouard Durand. The Senator from Saône-et-Loire Marie Mercier and he know each other, they share an open-mindedness that challenges our usual filters, at the service of our children who will grow up and form tomorrow’s society. So what do we want?

All accommodated in the same boat

At work: no parent is safe from an unfair outburst for the child, no parent is safe from collapsing under the sometimes annoying onslaught of little ones or big ones, that’s how it is. But agreeing to question yourself, agreeing to see the bad basis of it, that’s fine, it’s very fine. Why ? Because it creates a gap between one reaction and its impact on the other, and in the gap we can talk to each other. That is why Edouard Durand fights against ideal, idyllic depictions of the Holy Family. On the one hand, this family does not exist, on the other hand, if you want to stick to an image, you ignore reality, but a child can only grow well in elements of reality. Edouard Durand knows what he’s talking about: he was a children’s judge, and children’s judges, he does. With the decision he made, he created “a gap between the experienced reality of the family and the law that needs to be named. Professionals can work in this gap.” “Can our society wonder about the family? make unholy? »

Cynicism, cruelty, good faith

Reality is complicated because if no one would dare say they didn’t care, there are actions to show that too often we don’t care. Protecting childhood is still a hot topic and those who sacrifice it do so with either cynicism or cruelty (the abusers, the abusive fathers, the neglectful mothers and all of us when we hide to not see , not knowing) , or in good faith (childhood pros who have a portrayal of childhood very and too subservient to their personal and professional portrayals – who are themselves of society affirming them in a moment T, hence disastrous words , Firewalls to blame, these are so many fallacious arguments (basically) and decisions, positions where “the child’s interest only comes ‘second or third'”.
Far from overwhelming all these professionals with whom he works, Edouard Durand wants to insist on this point: ideas (what a child is, what are its basic needs, what is a parent, etc.) are not shared. This raises major issues with the interpretation that anyone can make of a situation, including overriding the child’s interest in the child’s interest.

“The interest of the child is not a prankster”

“We use ‘the interest of the child’ as a wild card,” explains Edouard Durand. This best interests approach is a problem because the best interests of the child are not wildcards. Considering the child’s interest means considering their basic needs. However, all children in the world have the same needs, and the first of these is the need for security. You must remember to respect his need for security, but we organize our society differently and we organize impunity for aggressors in the home. We find it difficult to organize the 4 kin registers (1) and this creates much suffering. »

Incest, domestic violence: a collective responsibility

Edouard Durand recalls the work of Dorothée Dussy, author of an “anthropology of incest”, The Cradle of Dominions, in which she clearly says about incest that the main thing is to talk about it and not to commit yourself when it is forbidden (although the law forbids it and knowledge of this crime is not new*). Edouard Durand continues: “What boggles the mind is the thought that there is always a little bit of love in the attacker. However, committing this act is not an impulse but a behavior. In all violence generally lies the denial of the relationship. »
“The greatest inequality between human beings is the one that separates those who live in a home that is a place of safety and those who live in a home where danger and the daily confrontation with death reign. »
“Home is not just a private matter. Common law must prevail there, and we are collectively responsible for it. » (2)

Name the real, say the law

“I understood that in the face of violence you always need a third party. A third party who names the real, who names violence as such and who names the law. By naming the law I show the prohibition and that another life is possible. »

Florence Saint Arroman

(1) The 4 kinship registers are: descent, parenthood, attachment and encounter (cf. defending children, p. 91)
(2) Advocate for Children, p. 81, Edouard Durand, ed. Threshold

* In the ancient story of Oedipus, a Tibetan seer, Tiresias, prophesies the incest of Oedipus, describing him thus: “of the same seed as his father (who fertilizes the same woman) and assassin”: Incest is murderous.

The CIIVISE website, working on behalf of the company as it is a public entity: https://www.ciivise.fr/

(1) The 4 kinship registers are: descent, parenthood, attachment and encounter (cf. defending children, p. 91)
(2) Advocate for Children, p. 81, Edouard Durand, ed. Threshold

* In the ancient story of Oedipus, a Tibetan seer, Tiresias, prophesies the incest of Oedipus, describing him thus: “of the same seed as his father (who fertilizes the same woman) and assassin”: Incest is murderous.

The CIIVISE website, working on behalf of the company as it is a public entity: https://www.ciivise.fr/

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